She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
