Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I wish there were birth control emojis
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
