I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
