I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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