why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
