I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
