My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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