Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
