It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
