first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
