How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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