Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
