So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
A+ Viking dick
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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