fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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