Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
