FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
