Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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