This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
