Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize