Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
