Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
