white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
