Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
