haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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