Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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