Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's shark week go big or go home
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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