The maid of honor just puked.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
