At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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