just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
