So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I want a musical about memes.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
