That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
