I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I wish I only lived at night.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
