What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize