The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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