its not stalking. its research.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
