hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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