Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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