he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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