Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
