i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
How's work?
Spinning.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
