We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
