Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
