Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize