I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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