I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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