he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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