DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
