Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
