Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
