he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
