We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize