I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
