I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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