Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
