So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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