i think my tv is drunk
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize