Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
