i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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