Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
