one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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