Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
