i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
