if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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