he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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