I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
