I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
