He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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