I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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