Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Less talking, more tequila
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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