I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
