Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
