I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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