i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
