Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
