And the cops told us we were all naked.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
