im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
