Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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